It's the second week of January and here in Georgia we're on on third day of temperatures in the upper 70's and even 80's! This is CRAZY! It doens't feel like we had any winter. I don't feel like I celebrated the holidays. Nothing feels like it's supposed to right now. I guess part of that is because Lori isn't here (or accessible by phone), nothing has really turned out the way I planned it (that should have been my first clue), and despite trying to make progress and move forward, I feel like I'm being pulled backward. What gives?? I feel like I'm fighting this cloud of depression that seriously wants to overshadow every positive thing in my life. I'm not that person. I am a cheerful, positive individual and I HATE feeling like this. I almost feel as if I'm broken, and no matter how hard I try, I can't put myself back together. It's almost like every time I get close to picking up the pieces, something comes along and breaks it into even smaller pieces.
This is the side of me I hate for people to know about. I try very hard to cover this side of me, to make people think that everything is okay, despite feeling this inner turmoil. I feel it stronger than ever now, almost in direct correlation to how hard I'm trying to get and keep my life on track. Maybe that's the key. The adversary is waging a personal war against me, and all of us for that matter, attempting to take my joy, my peace, my desire to continue fighting and moving forward. But I won't let him win. Yes, I may struggle today, and it may be harder tomorrow, but it will get better.
Okay, a few things that I love that are helping me overcome these feelings:
Lori's letters
The Sunbeam class I get to sub for on Sundays
All of the Primary kids that I get to spend time with on Sundays.
Getting to spend time with one of my favorite little girls. (Are you sensing a theme?)
Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ through music
Singing in the Stake Choir
Listening to the CES Firedside last night by President Uchtdorf (Truth is truth regardless of who believes it!)
Making new friends (it's about time)
Planning parties
Reading old journals (a post about that coming soon)
Reading President Monson's biography
(Seriously do I have time to feel depressed?)
Picking up old projects
Talking to dear friends on the phone
Working out on a daily basis
Reading the scriptures and praying daily, consistently (not hit and miss)
Playing games with my mom
Watching my dad play with his goats (they're ridiculous, but so cute)
Seeing our new baby chicks (they're SOOO tiny)
Planning my next trip to Boston in May to spend time with another of my favorite kids - a bright and wonderful redheaded little boy (we get to play together for a whole week!!)
Monday, January 14, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Real Life and Responses
Sometimes being an adult is not all its cracked up to be, wouldn't you agree? Yesterday I found that the vacation to Utah I've been planning for several months had to be cancelled because I'm a responsible adult and meetings/visitors at work that have to be tended to on the day I was supposed to leave. And believe it or not, it was cheaper to cancel the entire trip than to postpone it. Go figure. So, I will still take this trip, I just have no idea when! I bounce back and forth between being bitter and...scratch that. I bounce back and forth between being REALLY bitter and only SORT OF bitter. Though if I'm being completely honest, it's a strange relief not to worry about trying to pack in the midst of the big things happening at work. I probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself anyway. And, has anyone out west noticed that it is WINTER?? So not like the 80 degree, sunny day we had here in sunny Georgia (sorry, couldn't resist). With my luck I'd get stuck with a ton of weather delays, so maybe this isn't all bad. I should count my blessings. I guess real life isn't so bad (look, I just changed my entire attitude in a matter of a few sentences)!
In other thought, one of my guy friends posted tonight that he was tired of girls posting man hating statuses on Facebook and things about chivalry being dead and how all the good guys are gone. I have mixed feelings on this. I agree with him...girls shouldn't feel that way toward guys. I mean, I wouldn't want to read the same type of sentiment from guys about girls. So, what I'm about to say really goes both ways, but since I'm a girl trying to become the type of woman that a man would want to be in a relationship with, that's how I'm gearing it (guys, just flip it around).
I will confess that I am at the front of the line to generalize and share the sentiments of these girls (though to my credit (hopefully) I've never posted such thoughts on Facebook). I have had so many GREAT men in my life, as close friends and examples, that help me see that this isn't always the case. It is frustrating as a woman trying to maintain high standards and a positive attitude in the sea of singlehood to find on a regular basis, guys who are consistently belittling women, treating them as objects, or using them for their own purposes with no sign of commitment (again, this goes both ways...just a reminder). And on the chance you do find someone who at the beginning seems to be the type of guy you've always dreamed of, you find after all is said and done that he is "just like all the others" (not exactly my experience...that of a friend, and I'm sure many others...on both sides). And what we're left with are hurt women turned into "man haters".
Why do we allow ourselves to be "man haters" instead of working to promote the type of behavior, responses, standards, etc. we are searching for? Why do we blame men when in a great number of instances women are the causes of the very things we despise in men? How can we expect to have men respect women when women don't respect themselves?
Where have all the good men gone? They've gone with the women who have either 1 - made their expectations clear and their men have risen to the occasion and are now in happy, healthy relationships or 2 - they've lowered their standards and they've gone with the women who have made it easy and disposed of all expectation. Perhaps there's a third option...the group that is just scared. I'll own it...I fall into this group. And please don't tell me not to be. Have you met some of these people? I work with some good men as far as people go, but if they were the dating selection, I would NEVER date again and I would consider myself lucky. On the other hand, I've met some of the most wonderful men I've EVER known and I've been scared and not done a darn thing about it (but that's a concern for another time).
The point I'm trying to make is that we should be less concerned with "where have they gone?" and focus more on the "where am I?". Each of us wields more power than we realize. It sure is easy to say we'll let another person (or group of people) dictate for us so we can use the cop out of "they made me" or "everyone else was doing it". Take some accountability for yourself. Women, if you want a man with high standards, have high standards first and make sure he knows that. If he won't meet you, or at least make some sort of attempt, he's not worth it. Set the standard, be consistent. And again, guys - if you want a girl with high standards, you have to have them too! I had a thought the other day that seems fitting now. It went something like this (I'm still working on the exact wording) "Don't expect to find the kind of girl you want if you can't be the kind of man she needs". It's unfair of anyone to expect someone AMAZING if you are content with the norm.
So take a careful look at yourself (myself included). Sure, you may not be dating the man of your dreams. You may not even be dating the man of someone else's dreams. And if you live in a place like I do where you can count the good type of single man you're looking for on one hand, you may look around wonder where the good men are. But they are out there! I truly have been privileged over my lifetime to have lived all over this country and have met not only good men, but GREAT men! And I'm willing to bet they didn't all start out that way. So that's another thought. We're all still working out our flaws and we're not yet who we're going to be. Cut the other person some slack (and if you're too hard on yourself, cut yourself some slack). And if possible, let's stop cutting the other gender down. It's a time to build and grow...so get off the computer and go do something about it!! :) :) :)
In other thought, one of my guy friends posted tonight that he was tired of girls posting man hating statuses on Facebook and things about chivalry being dead and how all the good guys are gone. I have mixed feelings on this. I agree with him...girls shouldn't feel that way toward guys. I mean, I wouldn't want to read the same type of sentiment from guys about girls. So, what I'm about to say really goes both ways, but since I'm a girl trying to become the type of woman that a man would want to be in a relationship with, that's how I'm gearing it (guys, just flip it around).
I will confess that I am at the front of the line to generalize and share the sentiments of these girls (though to my credit (hopefully) I've never posted such thoughts on Facebook). I have had so many GREAT men in my life, as close friends and examples, that help me see that this isn't always the case. It is frustrating as a woman trying to maintain high standards and a positive attitude in the sea of singlehood to find on a regular basis, guys who are consistently belittling women, treating them as objects, or using them for their own purposes with no sign of commitment (again, this goes both ways...just a reminder). And on the chance you do find someone who at the beginning seems to be the type of guy you've always dreamed of, you find after all is said and done that he is "just like all the others" (not exactly my experience...that of a friend, and I'm sure many others...on both sides). And what we're left with are hurt women turned into "man haters".
Why do we allow ourselves to be "man haters" instead of working to promote the type of behavior, responses, standards, etc. we are searching for? Why do we blame men when in a great number of instances women are the causes of the very things we despise in men? How can we expect to have men respect women when women don't respect themselves?
Where have all the good men gone? They've gone with the women who have either 1 - made their expectations clear and their men have risen to the occasion and are now in happy, healthy relationships or 2 - they've lowered their standards and they've gone with the women who have made it easy and disposed of all expectation. Perhaps there's a third option...the group that is just scared. I'll own it...I fall into this group. And please don't tell me not to be. Have you met some of these people? I work with some good men as far as people go, but if they were the dating selection, I would NEVER date again and I would consider myself lucky. On the other hand, I've met some of the most wonderful men I've EVER known and I've been scared and not done a darn thing about it (but that's a concern for another time).
The point I'm trying to make is that we should be less concerned with "where have they gone?" and focus more on the "where am I?". Each of us wields more power than we realize. It sure is easy to say we'll let another person (or group of people) dictate for us so we can use the cop out of "they made me" or "everyone else was doing it". Take some accountability for yourself. Women, if you want a man with high standards, have high standards first and make sure he knows that. If he won't meet you, or at least make some sort of attempt, he's not worth it. Set the standard, be consistent. And again, guys - if you want a girl with high standards, you have to have them too! I had a thought the other day that seems fitting now. It went something like this (I'm still working on the exact wording) "Don't expect to find the kind of girl you want if you can't be the kind of man she needs". It's unfair of anyone to expect someone AMAZING if you are content with the norm.
So take a careful look at yourself (myself included). Sure, you may not be dating the man of your dreams. You may not even be dating the man of someone else's dreams. And if you live in a place like I do where you can count the good type of single man you're looking for on one hand, you may look around wonder where the good men are. But they are out there! I truly have been privileged over my lifetime to have lived all over this country and have met not only good men, but GREAT men! And I'm willing to bet they didn't all start out that way. So that's another thought. We're all still working out our flaws and we're not yet who we're going to be. Cut the other person some slack (and if you're too hard on yourself, cut yourself some slack). And if possible, let's stop cutting the other gender down. It's a time to build and grow...so get off the computer and go do something about it!! :) :) :)
Friday, January 11, 2013
True Friends and Doing Right
I've been struggling with this feeling of loneliness. I love this wonderful place, but there aren't many people my age to do things with, and even fewer of them are single. Don't get me wrong, I love having married friends, and I love that they have children I can play with, but sometimes it's nice to be able to connect with people in similar situations. And, despite how much I love this place, I do miss that... A LOT! I've found that I took for granted having good friends, I mean REALLY GOOD friends. The kind of friends that you can do ridiculous things with and they don't judge you...they do it too. The kind of friends that you can pour your heart and soul out to and they listen and know just what to say (and sometimes what needs to be said). The kind of friends who support my goals and decisions and join me or uplift me instead of trying to make me change who I am and who I want to be in order to be with them. Over the last several months I've developed friendships with people but in a few instances (in both my personal and professional life) I've had to distance myself from people I hold dear because they weren't building me (and there's a good chance I wasn't doing that for them either). It doesn't mean we're not still friends or that I don't care about them and vice versa, but true friends will not pressure you to do that which is against your beliefs and standards, or criticize you for your standards and/or beliefs.
I've been in situations where I was able to withstand that type of pressure, and I've also had times where I've given in (lesson learned) and had to make some changes in my life. Regardless of the people or situations I've found myself in, I've been criticized. But what makes it worth it is when I know that I'm doing right in the eyes of Heavenly Father. I feel I need to make this clear - it's not about being right versus someone's else's "wrong", or being better than someone else. It's about being right with Him and being better today than I was yesterday.
I regret the times where I didn't stand as I should have, where I caved in to the wills and ideas of others, but I've learned much from those times. This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (courtesy of Pinterest...where else?) has encouraged me to stay on the path. And she's right. I'd rather be critcized for being on the Lord's side and doing what I feel to be right than to be criticized for doing wrong.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Preparing for Your Spiritual Destiny
I recently inherited an iPhone and I'm SOOO in love with it, but probably not for all the reasons you may think. Sure, I can now check my emails, play games, even get directions wherever I am, but none of those are the reasons I LOVE it. I love it because I can listen to the scriptures and any general conference talk or BYU address ever given, basically. I am learning so much thanks to this amazing gift of technology!
Today I listened to a talk given by Elder Neil L. Andersen on January 10, 2010 (three years ago TODAY - pure coincidence or divine inspiration??) entitled Preparing for Your Spiritual Destiny. I just had to share a few quotes from Elder Andersen.
1. "Take comfort in knowing that you are joined by thousands and hundred of thousands in the challenges you face and in the important purposes you feel"
2. "Our premortal life was not a passive existence. We had choices to make there as we do here. We had progressed and were in need of a physical body and the experiences of mortality. We needed to prove our willingness to live by faith. Our Heavenly Father presented a plan to us. Central to that plan was the role of His Only Begotten Son to provide a way back for us. We accepted the Father's plan and rejoice in the chosen Savior. Our foreordained opportunities and responsibilities help shape what we are to do in mortality. In ways not fully understood, "our actions in the spirit would influence us in mortality."
3. "Have you ever wondered: Why is it that I am who I am? Why is it I feel the way I feel? Why have I chosen to believe so fully in the Lord Jesus Christ? Why do I choose to keep His commandments when others do not care about them? Why do I feel the way I do about the Book of Mormon?" ..."You were chosen and foreordained to have the gospel in your life and to be a leader in the cause of the restored gospel."
4. "Spiritual preparation will uncover your own inner resources. There is power in prayer. There is strength in the scriptures."
5. "And personal righteousness is essential to having the gift of the Holy Ghost. We will not be guided by the Holy Ghost if we are casual about our obedience."
And finally:
6. "Your spiritual destiny will have obstacles, delays, and equipment malfunctions. There will be mistakes. You may wonder if you are going to make it. Don't be discouraged! You will also have moments of hope and faith as doors open and obstacles are overcome. Continue, persist, above all, believe in Christ and learn to follow Him and His prophets; endure, as Nephi said, with a "brightness of hope" (2 Nephi 31:20). As you do, I promise you, one day you will hear your name. You will make it."
To read the full address, click here.
Today I listened to a talk given by Elder Neil L. Andersen on January 10, 2010 (three years ago TODAY - pure coincidence or divine inspiration??) entitled Preparing for Your Spiritual Destiny. I just had to share a few quotes from Elder Andersen.
1. "Take comfort in knowing that you are joined by thousands and hundred of thousands in the challenges you face and in the important purposes you feel"
2. "Our premortal life was not a passive existence. We had choices to make there as we do here. We had progressed and were in need of a physical body and the experiences of mortality. We needed to prove our willingness to live by faith. Our Heavenly Father presented a plan to us. Central to that plan was the role of His Only Begotten Son to provide a way back for us. We accepted the Father's plan and rejoice in the chosen Savior. Our foreordained opportunities and responsibilities help shape what we are to do in mortality. In ways not fully understood, "our actions in the spirit would influence us in mortality."
3. "Have you ever wondered: Why is it that I am who I am? Why is it I feel the way I feel? Why have I chosen to believe so fully in the Lord Jesus Christ? Why do I choose to keep His commandments when others do not care about them? Why do I feel the way I do about the Book of Mormon?" ..."You were chosen and foreordained to have the gospel in your life and to be a leader in the cause of the restored gospel."
4. "Spiritual preparation will uncover your own inner resources. There is power in prayer. There is strength in the scriptures."
5. "And personal righteousness is essential to having the gift of the Holy Ghost. We will not be guided by the Holy Ghost if we are casual about our obedience."
And finally:
6. "Your spiritual destiny will have obstacles, delays, and equipment malfunctions. There will be mistakes. You may wonder if you are going to make it. Don't be discouraged! You will also have moments of hope and faith as doors open and obstacles are overcome. Continue, persist, above all, believe in Christ and learn to follow Him and His prophets; endure, as Nephi said, with a "brightness of hope" (2 Nephi 31:20). As you do, I promise you, one day you will hear your name. You will make it."
To read the full address, click here.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Buddha says...
Okay, one more piece of motivation. This one almost causes a bit of fear (but the good kind of motivating fear)...it's time to get to work folks (myself included).
How It's Going
I just wanted to post a couple of pictures of how I'm tracking my 2013 goals/bucket list. I give you "The Goal Wall":
I used PowerPoint to create a presentation to track my miles, a slide of "Go-get-'em quotes, and then a slide for each month. On the monthly slides, I have included a motivational quote of the month, then I have outlined where I should be each month to accomplish my reading of the standard works this year, I have a space listed for how many miles I walk monthly (just another way to track it), and then one item either from my bucket that can be completed within the month or a project or other activity I want to do. I have never felt like I've had more of a purpose in my life than I do at this time.
I am gaining such a testimony of not being idle in life. It sure is easy to sit on the couch and watch tv, or to just sit and do nothing. I'm not opposed to watching tv, in fact I enjoy it a great deal when I find something good on, or when I'm working out, or while I'm cooking in the kitchen (you get the idea), but I'm really trying (and succeeding pretty well, I might add) to limit the amount of time I ever "just sit", tv or not. I have 24 hours every day, just like everyone else. These goals I've set for myself take quite a bit of time and a lot of committment. So, I've had to take control of my time and discipline myself better. I get up between 5:45 and 6:00 AM (yes, A.M.) just to walk because I don't want to put it off until the end of the day...I know myself and my good intentions. :) In order to stay on track with my reading, I need to read about 7 pages per day. I try to read on my lunch break or at other times when I have a few minutes to spare. Whatever I haven't finished during the day, I read when I get to bed (turns out I L-O-V-E reading in bed. *SIDENOTE: I'm currently reading President Thomas S. Monson's biography "To the Rescue". AMAZING!! He is so amazing!! I highly recommend it...HIGHLY).
I'm reminded of a talk I've listened to a lot by John Bytheway entitled "Turn Off the TV and Get a Life". He talks about trading least productive time for most productive time. He tells of his experience of writing a book and trading his least productive time (10 pm - 12 am) for most productive time (6 am - 8 am...I think). I've sort of taken that approach, or more correctly, my goals have forced me into that. If I'm going to get up and exercise in the morning, I have to go to bed early. I'm not one of those people who can function on little sleep - I need all 8 hours (or at least 7 and then a good long nap over the weekend).
Not only is this plan strengthening my testimony of the need to be active in all aspects of life, it is helping me discover some talents I've not realized I had before, or that I've not spent much time developing. Additionally, since I'm focused on "becoming" and trying to put my life in line with the will of Heavenly Father, I'm more inclined not to damage my body or spirit. I'm more aware of what I'm putting in (physically, spiritually, etc.) and the effects it has on me. Without intending to, I've become closer to the spirit and feel/notice its promptings in my life so much more. And the amazing thing is that I've only been at this with this intensity for a WEEK!
I'm an advocate now for going and doing. Nephi had it right all along (to which I say, "Duh"). Stop wishing, or I might say stop dreaming, and start DOING! Have big dreams for yourself (that's how I got here), but don't put them on the shelf, don't limit yourself to "someday" - get to work and accomplish something with your life! (Do you feel motivated yet??) Start small and work up if you need. Just do something!! :) :) :)
I used PowerPoint to create a presentation to track my miles, a slide of "Go-get-'em quotes, and then a slide for each month. On the monthly slides, I have included a motivational quote of the month, then I have outlined where I should be each month to accomplish my reading of the standard works this year, I have a space listed for how many miles I walk monthly (just another way to track it), and then one item either from my bucket that can be completed within the month or a project or other activity I want to do. I have never felt like I've had more of a purpose in my life than I do at this time.
I am gaining such a testimony of not being idle in life. It sure is easy to sit on the couch and watch tv, or to just sit and do nothing. I'm not opposed to watching tv, in fact I enjoy it a great deal when I find something good on, or when I'm working out, or while I'm cooking in the kitchen (you get the idea), but I'm really trying (and succeeding pretty well, I might add) to limit the amount of time I ever "just sit", tv or not. I have 24 hours every day, just like everyone else. These goals I've set for myself take quite a bit of time and a lot of committment. So, I've had to take control of my time and discipline myself better. I get up between 5:45 and 6:00 AM (yes, A.M.) just to walk because I don't want to put it off until the end of the day...I know myself and my good intentions. :) In order to stay on track with my reading, I need to read about 7 pages per day. I try to read on my lunch break or at other times when I have a few minutes to spare. Whatever I haven't finished during the day, I read when I get to bed (turns out I L-O-V-E reading in bed. *SIDENOTE: I'm currently reading President Thomas S. Monson's biography "To the Rescue". AMAZING!! He is so amazing!! I highly recommend it...HIGHLY).
I'm reminded of a talk I've listened to a lot by John Bytheway entitled "Turn Off the TV and Get a Life". He talks about trading least productive time for most productive time. He tells of his experience of writing a book and trading his least productive time (10 pm - 12 am) for most productive time (6 am - 8 am...I think). I've sort of taken that approach, or more correctly, my goals have forced me into that. If I'm going to get up and exercise in the morning, I have to go to bed early. I'm not one of those people who can function on little sleep - I need all 8 hours (or at least 7 and then a good long nap over the weekend).
Not only is this plan strengthening my testimony of the need to be active in all aspects of life, it is helping me discover some talents I've not realized I had before, or that I've not spent much time developing. Additionally, since I'm focused on "becoming" and trying to put my life in line with the will of Heavenly Father, I'm more inclined not to damage my body or spirit. I'm more aware of what I'm putting in (physically, spiritually, etc.) and the effects it has on me. Without intending to, I've become closer to the spirit and feel/notice its promptings in my life so much more. And the amazing thing is that I've only been at this with this intensity for a WEEK!
I'm an advocate now for going and doing. Nephi had it right all along (to which I say, "Duh"). Stop wishing, or I might say stop dreaming, and start DOING! Have big dreams for yourself (that's how I got here), but don't put them on the shelf, don't limit yourself to "someday" - get to work and accomplish something with your life! (Do you feel motivated yet??) Start small and work up if you need. Just do something!! :) :) :)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013 - A New Year, A New Me!
Well, I'm back and I'm SOOO excited! Since I went on my technological sabbatical (specifically from my blog, Facebook, and Pinterest), I have stepped back into a simpler time. I have delved into my writing with a pen and paper, and I've really gotten into it (don't worry, I'll be sharing all of that and the things I've learned over the next couple of months. I have a lot to catch up on, but I'll get to all of that another time.). If I wanted to check up on someone, I'd call or text them - no Facebook stalking. If I needed a recipe, craft idea, or quote, I resorted to one of the million recipes, books or notes I already had (with the exception of just a few things).
For 6 weeks I focused on people instead of things. I spent more time building relationships with my parents. I spent time serving people. I spent time working on my writing, music, and other talents. I found a new appreciation for so many of the things I have in my life (less time focusing on what I don't have). I spent time planning my life out - my goals, my ideas, my plans.
I decided to take a new approach to my resolutions - I started some of them in December. I figured if it was going to take a few weeks to establish some new habits, I had better get started early. So that is exactly what I did. I still have some work to do (still human), but I've spent some time creating my plan for success. This is the year that I tackle my bucket list No more some day. No more "when the time is right". No more waiting for things to "fall into place". This is the year I do instead of dream.
2013 is the year I'm walking 500 miles!
2013 is the year I'm reading the standard works cover to cover!
2013 is the year I'm growing my hair long to donate it (though I'm thinking it may roll over into 2014 - I need 10 inches!)
2013 is the year I'm going to visit Pike Place Market in Washington State (the end of THIS MONTH!!)
2013 is the year I'm going to go a month without chocolate (it's probably going to be February - it's the shortest month and I'm going to need all the help I can get!!)
I plan on doing some other things, and I'll list them out later, but I can tell you right now that this is going to be a GREAT year!!
Here's to a year of becoming!
For 6 weeks I focused on people instead of things. I spent more time building relationships with my parents. I spent time serving people. I spent time working on my writing, music, and other talents. I found a new appreciation for so many of the things I have in my life (less time focusing on what I don't have). I spent time planning my life out - my goals, my ideas, my plans.
I decided to take a new approach to my resolutions - I started some of them in December. I figured if it was going to take a few weeks to establish some new habits, I had better get started early. So that is exactly what I did. I still have some work to do (still human), but I've spent some time creating my plan for success. This is the year that I tackle my bucket list No more some day. No more "when the time is right". No more waiting for things to "fall into place". This is the year I do instead of dream.
2013 is the year I'm walking 500 miles!
2013 is the year I'm reading the standard works cover to cover!
2013 is the year I'm growing my hair long to donate it (though I'm thinking it may roll over into 2014 - I need 10 inches!)
2013 is the year I'm going to visit Pike Place Market in Washington State (the end of THIS MONTH!!)
2013 is the year I'm going to go a month without chocolate (it's probably going to be February - it's the shortest month and I'm going to need all the help I can get!!)
I plan on doing some other things, and I'll list them out later, but I can tell you right now that this is going to be a GREAT year!!
Here's to a year of becoming!
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