Saturday, January 12, 2013

Real Life and Responses

Sometimes being an adult is not all its cracked up to be, wouldn't you agree? Yesterday I found that the vacation to Utah I've been planning for several months had to be cancelled because I'm a responsible adult and meetings/visitors at work that have to be tended to on the day I was supposed to leave. And believe it or not, it was cheaper to cancel the entire trip than to postpone it. Go figure. So, I will still take this trip, I just have no idea when! I bounce back and forth between being bitter and...scratch that. I bounce back and forth between being REALLY bitter and only SORT OF bitter. Though if I'm being completely honest, it's a strange relief not to worry about trying to pack in the midst of the big things happening at work. I probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself anyway. And, has anyone out west noticed that it is WINTER?? So not like the 80 degree, sunny day we had here in sunny Georgia (sorry, couldn't resist). With my luck I'd get stuck with a ton of weather delays, so maybe this isn't all bad. I should count my blessings. I guess real life isn't so bad (look, I just changed my entire attitude in a matter of a few sentences)!

In other thought, one of my guy friends posted tonight that he was tired of girls posting man hating statuses on Facebook and things about chivalry being dead and how all the good guys are gone. I have mixed feelings on this. I agree with him...girls shouldn't feel that way toward guys. I mean, I wouldn't want to read the same type of sentiment from guys about girls. So, what I'm about to say really goes both ways, but since I'm a girl trying to become the type of woman that a man would want to be in a relationship with, that's how I'm gearing it (guys, just flip it around).

I will confess that  I am at the front of the line to generalize and share the sentiments of these girls (though to my credit (hopefully) I've never posted such thoughts on Facebook). I have had so many GREAT men in my life, as close friends and examples, that help me see that this isn't always the case. It is frustrating as a woman trying to maintain high standards and a positive attitude in the sea of singlehood to find on a regular basis, guys who are consistently belittling women, treating them as objects, or using them for their own purposes with no sign of commitment (again, this goes both ways...just a reminder). And on the chance you do find someone who at the beginning seems to be the type of guy you've always dreamed of, you find after all is said and done that he is "just like all the others" (not exactly my experience...that of a friend, and I'm sure many others...on both sides). And what we're left with are hurt women turned into "man haters".

Why do we allow ourselves to be "man haters" instead of working to promote the type of behavior, responses, standards, etc. we are searching for? Why do we blame men when in a great number of instances women are the causes of the very things we despise in men? How can we expect to have men respect women when women don't respect themselves?

Where have all the good men gone? They've gone with the women who have either 1 - made their expectations clear and their men have risen to the occasion and are now in happy, healthy relationships or 2 - they've lowered their standards and they've gone with the women who have made it easy and disposed of all expectation. Perhaps there's a third option...the group that is just scared. I'll own it...I fall into this group. And please don't tell me not to be. Have you met some of these people? I work with some good men as far as people go, but if they were the dating selection, I would NEVER date again and I would consider myself lucky. On the other hand, I've met some of the most wonderful men I've EVER known and I've been scared and not done a darn thing about it (but that's a concern for another time).

The point I'm trying to make is that we should be less concerned with "where have they gone?" and focus more on the "where am I?". Each of us wields more power than we realize. It sure is easy to say we'll let another person (or group of people) dictate for us so we can use the cop out of "they made me" or "everyone else was doing it". Take some accountability for yourself. Women, if you want a man with high standards, have high standards first and make sure he knows that. If he won't meet you, or at least make some sort of attempt, he's not worth it. Set the standard, be consistent. And again, guys - if you want a girl with high standards, you have to have them too! I had a thought the other day that seems fitting now. It went something like this (I'm still working on the exact wording) "Don't expect to find the kind of girl you want if you can't be the kind of man she needs". It's unfair of anyone to expect someone AMAZING if you are content with the norm.

So take a careful look at yourself (myself included). Sure, you may not be dating the man of your dreams. You may not even be dating the man of someone else's dreams. And if you live in a place like I do where you can count the good type of single man you're looking for on one hand, you may look around wonder where the good men are. But they are out there! I truly have been privileged over my lifetime to have lived all over this country and have met not only good men, but GREAT men! And I'm willing to bet they didn't all start out that way. So that's another thought. We're all still working out our flaws and we're not yet who we're going to be. Cut the other person some slack (and if you're too hard on yourself, cut yourself some slack). And if possible, let's stop cutting the other gender down. It's a time to build and get off the computer and go do something about it!! :) :) :)

No comments: