It's the second week of January and here in Georgia we're on on third day of temperatures in the upper 70's and even 80's! This is CRAZY! It doens't feel like we had any winter. I don't feel like I celebrated the holidays. Nothing feels like it's supposed to right now. I guess part of that is because Lori isn't here (or accessible by phone), nothing has really turned out the way I planned it (that should have been my first clue), and despite trying to make progress and move forward, I feel like I'm being pulled backward. What gives?? I feel like I'm fighting this cloud of depression that seriously wants to overshadow every positive thing in my life. I'm not that person. I am a cheerful, positive individual and I HATE feeling like this. I almost feel as if I'm broken, and no matter how hard I try, I can't put myself back together. It's almost like every time I get close to picking up the pieces, something comes along and breaks it into even smaller pieces.
This is the side of me I hate for people to know about. I try very hard to cover this side of me, to make people think that everything is okay, despite feeling this inner turmoil. I feel it stronger than ever now, almost in direct correlation to how hard I'm trying to get and keep my life on track. Maybe that's the key. The adversary is waging a personal war against me, and all of us for that matter, attempting to take my joy, my peace, my desire to continue fighting and moving forward. But I won't let him win. Yes, I may struggle today, and it may be harder tomorrow, but it will get better.
Okay, a few things that I love that are helping me overcome these feelings:
The Sunbeam class I get to sub for on Sundays
All of the Primary kids that I get to spend time with on Sundays.
Getting to spend time with one of my favorite little girls. (Are you sensing a theme?)
Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ through music
Singing in the Stake Choir
Listening to the CES Firedside last night by President Uchtdorf (Truth is truth regardless of who believes it!)
Making new friends (it's about time)
Reading old journals (a post about that coming soon)
Reading President Monson's biography
(Seriously do I have time to feel depressed?)
Picking up old projects
Talking to dear friends on the phone
Working out on a daily basis
Reading the scriptures and praying daily, consistently (not hit and miss)
Playing games with my mom
Watching my dad play with his goats (they're ridiculous, but so cute)
Seeing our new baby chicks (they're SOOO tiny)
Planning my next trip to Boston in May to spend time with another of my favorite kids - a bright and wonderful redheaded little boy (we get to play together for a whole week!!)