I’ve been feeling very weighed down by something in my past. For weeks, and I guess in all honesty months, I’ve been allowing this thing to hang over me and make me feel guilty, and awkward, and all around bad about myself.
I’ve been studying and pondering the Atonement in my life.
Do I fully understand and utilize this precious and wonderful gift? My thoughts
would then make me ask, if I do understand this, why am I still allowing
various things to control me? Am I not in charge of myself, my thoughts,
actions, and attitudes? Am I not, with the help of the Savior and His
Atonement, able to overcome any sin I’ve committed and any pain for any reason
that I feel? The answer I’ve found and
feel and KNOW is a resounding YES!
With all of this in mind there was one piece of my life that
I felt no closure for and that fact alone has been looming over me. I had a
thought in the shower (because let’s face it, 95% of life’s solutions are
thought of in the shower) that if only I could write a letter to the people
this situation involved, perhaps I could just let it go once and for all.
So this morning as I drove to work I dictated the letters
that will never be sent. I said EVERYTHING I’ve wanted to say for so long, all
the things that have bothered me, caused me anxiety, the things I regret and
apologize for. And then mentally I sent that letter and I imagined the recipients
receiving this letter and the conversation that it would initiate (it’s a good
thing I have an active imagination). I imagined getting together for dinner
with this group and rekindling what we once had. And in the course of this “conversation”
I realized that as much as I loved things the way they were I can’t go back, I
don’t want to go back. I’m not the person that I was during that time period.
The things that separated me from this group, those things being my beliefs, standards,
and goals, have only become more important in my life and have separated me even
It was in this moment that I felt all of my worries dissipate.
No longer am I concerned about things as they were. I’m focused on things as
they are now and as they will be! I was able to release these feelings of trouble
into oblivion and at this moment I feel peace and joy! I feel the power of the
Atonement in my life and now, more than ever before, understand that Christ’s
promise to heal us from ANYTHING is just that, a promise! Because of the
Atonement we can turn to Him and as the scriptures say, cast our burdens upon
the Lord. He suffered for us. He knows what we’re dealing with. He’s waiting
with outstretched arms to comfort us. It is up to us to turn to Him and accept
and internalize the power of His infinite Atonement and to use that to become
who He would have us be! Of this I have no doubt!