Saturday, April 20, 2013

Reflection - Part 2

There was never supposed to be a Part 2, but when I start writing, sometimes I just start going and I end up with pages of words that I want to share, but have to thin down (and sometimes redirect). Some get deleted and I never think of it again (yes, my brain really does work like that), but some get saved and rehashed, thus Part 2.

This is a truly insane time. Bombs went off in an attack on US soil – things like this seem impossible to me, but I guess with evil out there, nothing should be considered impossible. Over the last year, with particular emphasis on the last several months, I have been feeling a need to get my life in order, to be living right, to be doing everything I can to live in accordance with the will of God and the gospel of Jesus Christ.
This week, I felt a small portion of why that is so important. Without being involved in any kind of plot like we experienced this week, but especially during horrific experiences like the one in Boston, people leave home for work or play and never come home, be it due to an accident of some sort, or the direct and intentional actions of another individual or group of individuals. I’ve had several experiences over the last year where I asked myself “if something were to happen to end my life, would I be ready?” That brought an onslaught of questions but really focused on two…1. had I told and shown the people I love that I love them – do they know, and 2.had I done anything that I should have repented of and hadn’t? And that’s when it became time to make some changes and go to work. I knew what I had to become!

When I return to the Father, I want it to be in great joy – joy in knowing I am clean to be in His presence, and joy in knowing that though the separation for those I leave behind may be hard (hopefully I’m living so that people WILL miss me when I’m gone…haha), I have done the best I could to help them and to show my love for them. I hope that I’ve been a good example and that through me people can come to know Christ and have this same hope and joy for a bright future that I have.
If it’s up to me, I’m not ready to go Home yet. I feel I have a lot of work left to do and I have so much planned for my life (to which, I’m sure, Heavenly Father chuckles a bit and says “good one – tell me more”, all in love of course). But when that day comes, and surely it will, I know I’ll be living as I should, that I will be clean. I may not be able to control what is happening in the world (accurately put – I CANNOT control what is happening in the world), but I can control myself, my actions, and my reactions (still working on that one).
My heart still breaks for those innocent lives lost and for the hundreds and thousands who were affected in one way or another by this attack. It breaks my heart that things like this happen to good and innocent people. But through it all, I’m grateful for my testimony and the knowledge that hard times bring. Challenges are opportunities for us to draw near to our Heavenly Father, but some people let it move them further away from Him. We need to CHOOSE to go to Him in these dark times so that we can have a perfect brightness of hope!!

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