Monday, February 18, 2013

Feeling Pain

I used to think feeling pain was a bad thing, especially when it came to emotional pain. Sure, physical pain isn’t wonderful, but there are typically things you can due to try to soothe it. When pain is something emotional or of the heart, there aren’t many tangible aids, it mostly takes time (and a great deal of faith and prayer). As I’ve felt this kind of pain in the past, I used to cry and hurt and wonder if I would ever get over it, if I would ever stop hurting. As time goes on and as I have more experiences, I’m learning that this pain, though not enjoyable by any stretch of the imagination, lets me know that I’m alive, that I’m not past feeling.
There are some precious children that I get to interact with in Primary, two little girls in particular, who I love more than anything. I honestly couldn’t love them any more if they were my own daughters –they are so precious! Yesterday, both of these girls were in a state of needing…comfort, stability, and hugs (and as a matter of fact, that was what I needed too, so it worked out perfectly).  I came home with this pain in my heart, this knowing that as much as I love them, I can’t really help them, but I CAN love them. It was in this moment that I realized that as much as I have ever hurt throughout my lifetime, pain is a sort of blessing. I learned yesterday that even though I hurt for these children, my pain doesn’t hinder my ability to love them, it enhances it! It gives me a purpose because as I focus on them and love them, I go beyond myself and I don’t feel my own pain (as much).

I can’t even begin to put into words how grateful I am for children. Anyone who knows me knows my love for children! All I have ever wanted to be is a mom, and that continues to be my goal. While that opportunity hasn’t come at this point in my life, I am and will eternally be grateful for the opportunity to serve in Primary and to be with these wonderful children.

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