Reality

I've debated whether to post this or not. I like to attempt to preserve appearances about myself, and I like the appearance that everything is fine. What people see in person is one thing and I can hide it - but once it's in writing, it's out there. However, this week hasn't really been fine. The big day came and went - Lori left on her mission - and life moves on. It was bliss to be able to spend two weeks with her at home, being with her when she was set apart as a missionary, and even those final moments before we dumped her off at the curb. I vowed to myself that I would not cry when she left. I didn't want it to be any harder on her, and I knew mom and dad would be crying...I would not give in. I made it except for 2 or 3 tears that escaped before I caught myself and have maintained a smile and have been "happy" ever since. I have kept myself as busy as possible and I really have been happy, minus the new void I feel.
Today though, the tears that I've been holding back for several days have caught up with me and I'm really struggling with the reality of this whole thing. I have talked to or seen Lori everyday for the last 24 years. It's kind of a long time. When we were apart, every time something funny would happen, I could send her a text and she'd simply send back a text that said "Haha" and I knew she was laughing at the same thing, or we could call, or skype - thank heavens for technology. I didn't realize how much I depended on her sharing so much in my life...until now, that is.
I know it will get better, and it probably doesn't help my feelings that I'm exceptionally tired today (thank you mid-night insomnia). It is just one of those days that I could use a hug...or a nap...or chocolate...Time to get back to being busy. I figured out today that it doesn't really matter what I'm doing, I just need to be busy. Already I've done laundry, cleaned my room, cleaned the kitchen, and gone shopping. Time to get to...something. Tomorrow - I will be back to normal. :)