Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Free Advice

I'm pretty sure I've told you before, but I'm happy to tell you again. Don't mess with HR people. I promise, we're here to help you. If you come to me and yell at me, I'm irritated, but understand the need for getting everything out in the open. Often, that's when we get to the bottom of things and can find a resolution. I may not love it, but will overlook it, and will likely do whatever I can to calm you down. However, blaming me for your mistake will not help your case, though I'll still be willing to do what I can to help you. Accusing me of lying to you will push me right over the edge. In fact, it is at this point that I will go back through my emails over the last several months and will prove you wrong. HR actually stands for Humongous Records. If it happened (and we were involved), we have a record. Also, it is at this point that I stop thinking clearly and put my head down on my desk and make some sort of sound that is a cross between laughing and crying and talk very quickly to myself (it's not pretty, but it's how I get through).

So, you want to fight? Please, come and make my day. Just know that I am going to fight back, but will do so professionally. Because you refuse to call me and seem to think you need to have our conversation in writing, you have given me time to gather my records (and my thoughts) and I am ready to win. Tomorrow, it's on...and I will win (and you will thank me for my help - just prepare for it).

The moral of the story...be nice to your HR people. They will always help you, but will be much more willing to do so if you're kind to them. Also, bring chocolate...bad day or not. HR people need chocolate just to make it through. Trust me, it's cheaper than therapy.

I now return you to your life.

Thank you and good night!

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