I have always loved music. My mom tells me that when I was a baby, she would sing 'My Heavenly Father Loves Me' to me and I would coo and smile. I loved to 'play' on the piano as I got older. My sister, mom and I would sing while we cleaned the kitchen after dinner, and we would even sing in church meetings occasionally. For my sixth birthday, my grandparents 'got me' piano lessons. At the time, I think I was excited, but I didn't like to practice. Thanks to them, and the insistence of my parents to keep going until we moved when I was 11, I learned enough to be able to play for all sorts of activities: baptisms, sacrament meetings, primary, even a friends wedding. I play now not because I have to, but because I love it. On days when I am really happy, I can't help but sing, or hum, or play something.
People learn in different ways. Some people are visual learners, some are hands on learners. I am a little bit of both of those, but if you want me to really get something, stick it to music. Music is what speaks to me the most. When I hear music, I usually can't help but stop and listen; it draws me in.
Sunday night, our Stake Presidency hosted a fireside. They began by introducing their families, but then they did something that I really didn't see coming. They had us sing several primary songs!! This is significant for a couple of reasons. The first being that it was music. Music has the ability to bring the Spirit so quickly and strongly. I felt so good while we were singing. Music, specifically primary songs, are designed to teach correct principles through music.
The last two are what, at this specific moment in time, meant the most to me. The first was that I have spent the last 5-6 years serving in the Primary in some capacity. For the last 3 years, I have been involved in the primary music, 2 of which I was the music leader. I was feeling really lost yesterday, kind of questioning the reasons that brought me to Provo. I look at what I left behind - I had 40 something (or there abouts) children who I love (not to mention wonderful friends, good job, and beautiful Boston). They brought so much joy to my life. I loved singing songs with them and teaching them the gospel of Jesus Christ through music. I cherish the time that I spent there. The second reason that this was so moving was that in the midst of pondering my move here and what I'm doing now, I was really struggling with a need to be loved. Being around children, you are so loved! I miss all of their hugs, and their bright smiles. I miss their curiosity and energy for life. But mostly, I just missed this feeling of being loved and I guess in turn, I missed having that kind of love for people. I still love them all, I just don't get to tell them that each week. As we sang these primary songs, not only did I feel the spirit, confirming to me that what I was singing was true and correct, but I felt an overwhelming sense of love. Singing these songs brought to mind the words of Elder Snow from last week's conference when he said that "Remembering gives us the courage to move on". That is what I felt as we sang - I felt loved, I remembered what it was to love, and it has given me the courage to move on.
I want to be able to have that same type of love for the people that I am around now. I realize the need to live in the present, as opposed to living in the past. I need to remember the people and experiences that have made me, but I have to move on and become something better. I don't remember who said it originally, but when you know what to do, and do what you know, you become something better. That is my specific goal this week. I'm on the path to become something better - and I'm taking my friends and family with me!