I usually feel bright and cheerful, like a bright pink, or orange, or bright blue. I like to think that I am optimistic by nature and, though I definitely have some down times, I can see things in a positive light. Today, though, I feel gray. I feel like the color of my world has been washed out. I feel lost inside this bubble that I live, and I don’t know exactly how to get out.
My boss is out of town this week which means I sit in a corner of the office by myself, with no one to talk to, with no break in the monotony. I work as hard as I can, for as long as I can, but then I hit a wall and have no one to bounce ideas off of, so I start to think and before long, I feel…blech.
I think that must have been exactly what happened. I had an awesome day yesterday and then, on my way home from work, I allowed myself to wander into the crevices of my mind where doubt, regret and mischief live. Because that’s where I allowed my mind to go, I have to bring it back out again and shut the door on this dark place.
As I’m writing this, the color feels like it is coming back, there is a smile creeping onto my face, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll survive (how about a little drama for the day?).
I spent my lunch break in an empty office that has a double window that overlooks the small airport behind our building. I brought a book to read today and, as I was reading, I could watch the planes take off and land as I glanced up. It felt good to sit and see outside without having to feel the heat of the day (my computer says 86 degrees right now and the humidity is killer today AND I wore black, so there was no way I was actually going to sit out in the sun, so this was the next best thing).
I frustrate myself with feelings like I had earlier, which I hesitated to actually post but that I did include, mostly for my own reference. Maybe I’ll give it to my boss and tell her it would be better for 1 – her not to go out of town, or 2 – give me a week off while she’s gone, or 3 - let me bring a friend to work for a week (anyone want to volunteer?) I guess in some weird, cyber way, blogging is my friend at work. I got to talk out my feelings, come to a realization of the problem(s), came up with a solution, and lived to tell the tale.
Now that I have gotten over the gloom and doom stuff, I finally remembered some of the really good things that have happened and I feel this obligation to compensate you in some way for actually having to read this post, so, this is for you- 10 good things
1-Lori and Tausha came to visit
2-Lori and Tausha and I roamed around Boston
3-I parallel parked in Boston
4-We all, parents included, went to the aquarium
5-I got sunburned which may not actually seem good, but I am no longer pasty white!
6-I judged a dessert competition
7-I ate ice cream the next day – don’t judge me J
8-I watched a movie with my parents that we all laughed out loud to!
9-I got one of those mood charts (you know, the ones that have a square over the face/emotion you’re feeling). I have ALWAYS wanted one, so it was pretty awesome!
10-I tried Strawberry Peanut Butter M&M’s. I may or may not have abandoned my search for a new outfit to get them. I may or may not have gone to two different stores on my lunch break to find them. I may or may not have eaten 1/3 of the bag on my way back to work.
I feel better now; I'm feeling pink again! What color are you?